Am I Truly There For Them

So April went to visit some of her girlfriends in sunny Georgia this weekend and gave me the wonderful opportunity of staying with the children for the weekend. As sarcastic as that my sound, let me reassure you that it is as sincere as the intentions of the rain on a hot July day. My kids and I have grown quite close over the last few months and I am eternally grateful for that. I feel like they teach me something new on a daily basis.

While April is away, the older two children and I are camping out in the living room each evening, watching movies until the wee hours of the morning and sleeping in as long as baby Ryan will allow us. Well, this evening, while we were watching an Indiana Jones movie, Emma informed me that she couldn't keep her eyes open and that she was ready to go to sleep. I think o spent the next 5 minutes or so watching her fight to keep her eyes open. I thought Id help the process along by rubbing her temples and playing with her hair. Once I got that goin', there was no way those eyes could stay open. In her final moments of coherency, she opened her eyes one last time, and said, "Dad, when I get older, will you baptize me?" What a random thing to say on your way into sleepy time. I of course told her I would and she was out...

My children mean the world to me. As they grow, I find myself feeling more and more inadequate for the job of Father. I find myself second guessing my choice of words or the things I require from them on a daily basis. My father once told me, that he as I was learning to be a good son, he was simultaneously learning how to be a good father. That's stuck with me. I think Ive said it to Joe Joe a couple times already and he's only seven. I want to be the best dad I can be. I want my children to look back on their childhood and remember nothing but good times. I want to remain connected to them as they grow through their teenage years. I want to protect them from any and all harm that may possibly befall them. They seem like they are pretty happy. Although, at the same time, it seems like they are always seeing what they didn't get to do rather than what the just got to do. I hope that makes sense. We could be walking out of Chuck E Cheese's, after just spending an hour or so, and there are times when all they do is complain about something. That's frustration to say the least. I sure do love them.

Am I overindulging them? I wonder. Are we spending to much time focusing on fun and not enough on "what's important"? I guess time will tell. I know they are kids but I just cant seem to knock the sense of entitlement out of them. Is this something that We've instilled? That can't be the only answer. So whats the answer to my dilemma? Is there an answer? Well, if spoiling the kids is wrong, I'm guilty. I love seeing their faces light up.

So as I sit here at 3:47 am, trying to fall asleep, I watch my children peacefully sleeping the night away. My heart is full of gratitude for the gifts that are my children. I pray that their lives my be filled with experiences and people that will build strong moral character. I pray that my wife and I can rear our children in the gospel and not place to much focus on worldly needs. This is my prayer...

Joe

Feeble Attempt at Immortalizing My Feelings 4 Her

My Little Princess

There was once a time in my life when I thought all I needed was a son or two and I'd be content as can be. I could have never imagined the joy that comes with having a daughter. I love my sons. They are fun to be around and wrestle with. I do love my boys so....but little Emma....She has already got me absolutely wrapped.

It takes all that I have to resist her incredible powers of persuasion. She gets whatever the heck she wants and I dont know how she does it. On second thought, I know exactly how she does it. She does it with her perfect little smile. She does it with her "puppy dog eyes". Although, I wouldn't have it any other way. Its so funny to me....It comes time to correct her for something she did, and before I know it, I'm askin' her if she'd like some ice cream and apologizing for something that I'm supposed to do as a dad. How entertaining she is. She is 100% disappointed if I don't rouse her from her sleep to tell her "good morning" as I leave for work each morning. TO think that she would rather be awakened than remain asleep, just to say, "I love you" is a true heart melting thought.

I can remember like it was yesterday, peering through the incubator at the hospital for the first two weeks of her life, not being able to hold her or feed her ourselves. It was truly hell on earth. All we wanted to do was hold our little girl. She has come along way since then. nowadays, I cant get enough of my little Emmy. She accompanies me on my various errands, plays video games with us and loves to hang out with her mamma. She loves helping her mommy around the house whether cooking or straightening up. I could have never asked for a better, more beautiful little girl.

I thank the Lord on a daily basis for the love of my daughter. So many fathers are disconnected from their daughters. I feel really lucky to have found a way to stay close to Emma for now. I know her teenage years will yield some problems, but they are issues I consider trivial when compared to all the good times we've had and will have. I pray that I will be able to be a good example of what a good husband should be. I pray that I can instill the self-confidence, paramount in the maintaining of ones personal chastity. I love my little girl and cant wait to see what type of adult she becomes. She truly is my flawless princess. I sure do love her.

Joe

So Maybe He Does Know a Thing or Two

Alright, so one of the main things I have been focusing on throughout this blog is the fact that April has been working nights. It has been a pretty jagged pill to swallow and we have been tough on each other lately. Throughout all of this, our children wait patiently, for us to get over whatever argument we have decided to selfishly get into. They are truly a blessing in our lives. Sometimes, it is hard to stay focused on that. It is very easy to allow yourself to become impatient with the ones that did nothing wrong in the first place. Case and point. I was on the phone with my father the other day, talking about life in general and just kinda "catching up". As we were conversing, my children were having a grand old time, running through the house, acting the way children should. Well, being that I'd had a long day, and was somewhat irritated in general, I found myself being short tempered with them. I repeatedly snapped at them to be quiet or to go play in the other room (all while my father patiently stood by, waiting to continue the conversation). After about 30 minutes of this, my dad chimed in with a small piece of advice...."Joseph, just hug your children."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. See, my dad wasn't always the most 'patient' individual. There were even times when I may have been extremely critical of his "dadding" skills. Boy, when he said that, it was as if something clicked in me. It was the first time in a long time that I truly heard what he was trying to convey. He continued by reminding me to allow them to truly be their age and enjoy their childhood. I am grateful for my father's council and feel that it was truly inspired. It's weird how every once in a great while, you actually "hear" what someone is trying to get across to you. That mind's eye isn't always open fully for me. Luckily, this time it was.

...What a difference the last few days have been. I find myself becoming emotional while I work at my desk during the day, as I ponder the gravity of my father's statement....Just hug your children. It's as if I literally see my children differently. I have found more patience for their antics and allow them more freedom to be silly. I don't require them to be SO regimented. I was reminded of the importance of fun in my kids lives.

I am truly grateful to have a father who is living his life correctly. He has changed quite a bit over the past 10 years. For the longest time, I was indifferent about his presence in my life...Now, I find myself looking forward to talks with him about whatever. I especially look forward to watching him interact with my children.

Hug your children, no matter their age or disposition. It is truly amazing the changes that take place when you hug them instead of scold them. I pray that I can find an added measure of patience with my family members each day. I am truly grateful for them and owe everything I am...all that I have become today......Its all because of my family's influence on my life. I am eternally indebted to them.


joe

Plaster of Paris in the Rain

While April was away at work this evening, oddly as was, I actually wanted to clean up the house for her as a surprise. She is constantly doing things for me and the children without ever asking for recognition or reciprocation. So, I figured this was the time to do just that. So I took care of some key things that plague her on a daily basis so tomorrow will be that much easier for her. Maybe, just maybe, she will find time to sit back and take a breath....maybe even time to reflect upon the things she is most grateful for.

Anyways, This last weekend was nice and relaxed. We spent most of the time as a family in the house enjoying the inclimate weather. The thunderstorm was absolutely magnificent. We let the kids run out in the rain, which was coming down so hard that you were soaked the instant you stepped into it. After the rain dance, the kids came inside, dried off and spent the next hour or so painting these little figurines brilliant colors. We are spending a lot more time together now and it has been such a blessing. We grow closer each day.

Every day that April works is a day that I DON'T get to spend with her. It is very frustrating. I don't watch TV anymore because all the stuff I usually laugh at has lost it's comical impression upon me due to her absence. Id rather not watch it. So, as I've said all along, I look forward to the time when she comes home for good. I never thought Id miss the "we are around each other so much that we are getting sick of each other" arguments. I sure do love my angel. I pray that the Lord remains with her thus making her burdens light and her countenance bright.

Joe