Am I Truly There For Them

So April went to visit some of her girlfriends in sunny Georgia this weekend and gave me the wonderful opportunity of staying with the children for the weekend. As sarcastic as that my sound, let me reassure you that it is as sincere as the intentions of the rain on a hot July day. My kids and I have grown quite close over the last few months and I am eternally grateful for that. I feel like they teach me something new on a daily basis.

While April is away, the older two children and I are camping out in the living room each evening, watching movies until the wee hours of the morning and sleeping in as long as baby Ryan will allow us. Well, this evening, while we were watching an Indiana Jones movie, Emma informed me that she couldn't keep her eyes open and that she was ready to go to sleep. I think o spent the next 5 minutes or so watching her fight to keep her eyes open. I thought Id help the process along by rubbing her temples and playing with her hair. Once I got that goin', there was no way those eyes could stay open. In her final moments of coherency, she opened her eyes one last time, and said, "Dad, when I get older, will you baptize me?" What a random thing to say on your way into sleepy time. I of course told her I would and she was out...

My children mean the world to me. As they grow, I find myself feeling more and more inadequate for the job of Father. I find myself second guessing my choice of words or the things I require from them on a daily basis. My father once told me, that he as I was learning to be a good son, he was simultaneously learning how to be a good father. That's stuck with me. I think Ive said it to Joe Joe a couple times already and he's only seven. I want to be the best dad I can be. I want my children to look back on their childhood and remember nothing but good times. I want to remain connected to them as they grow through their teenage years. I want to protect them from any and all harm that may possibly befall them. They seem like they are pretty happy. Although, at the same time, it seems like they are always seeing what they didn't get to do rather than what the just got to do. I hope that makes sense. We could be walking out of Chuck E Cheese's, after just spending an hour or so, and there are times when all they do is complain about something. That's frustration to say the least. I sure do love them.

Am I overindulging them? I wonder. Are we spending to much time focusing on fun and not enough on "what's important"? I guess time will tell. I know they are kids but I just cant seem to knock the sense of entitlement out of them. Is this something that We've instilled? That can't be the only answer. So whats the answer to my dilemma? Is there an answer? Well, if spoiling the kids is wrong, I'm guilty. I love seeing their faces light up.

So as I sit here at 3:47 am, trying to fall asleep, I watch my children peacefully sleeping the night away. My heart is full of gratitude for the gifts that are my children. I pray that their lives my be filled with experiences and people that will build strong moral character. I pray that my wife and I can rear our children in the gospel and not place to much focus on worldly needs. This is my prayer...

Joe