Hell must look like a one room hotel!

As much as I love my little rugrats, and as patient as I try to be, it is very hard to maintain sanity when there are five people in a 20 x 20 foot room. Anyways, enough about the negativity.

We finally got word that we will be getting the keys to OUR house on Friday. Yeah! I will own my first house in less than a week. We have a few things we want to do with it initially but, overall its ready to move into as is. I cant wait to wake up next to my wife and just my wife. I dont know that I remember what that feels like. There are other things that I dont remeber but we wont get into that. April has been quite a trooper lately. She has to drive 100 miles a day bringing the kids to and from school. And on top of that, Joe Joe has Scarlet fever and strep throat. Can you believe it?! Scarlet fever! Anyways, I am truly proud of her and pray that she keeps fighting the good fight.

Friday....new house....here I come.

How Do You Measure Success

Alot has happened over the last few months. I quit my job at BAE systems and gained employment for another corporation in Longmont, Colorado. We are currentlty living in a hotel while our house ownership paperwork is finalized. We have been living in this one room hotel for the past two weeks.

Its interesting what type of things occur when you are confined to one room with four other humans, three of which are under the age of eight. AAAGH! To be perfectly honest, I think its harder on my children than it is on me. I can become a little bit irritated rather quickly, and my children get the brunt of it. I know this isnt right, but is the reality of it. So Ive decided, in an effort better control my temper and extend my patience, I would llist some if things in my life that, to me, define success:

1. I have a wife that I absolutely adore. I would have never guessed life could be this good when i was younger. April is truly my reason for becoming the man I am today. If not for her, I wouldnt even be a fraction of "me". She brings me such joy and hapiness. To sum it all up, she puts the passion in my every day.

2. I have three perfectly, disasterously wonderful children who try to make me proud on a daily basis. They do a very good job of it. I am so proud of the people they've become and the children they are becoming. I hope I can give them happy memories of their childhood and raise them in the gospel, all while protecting them from the world.

3. I am a member of the true church of Jesus Christ. The curch has brought me loser to the Lord and helped me to gain a personal testimony of his existance and glory. I am grateful for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and it's infinite healing power and majesty. I hope to become better each day and grow in the gospel. I wish for the opportuntiy to help others on a daily basis in an effort to spread the gospel thoughout the world.

I have so many things to be grateful for that arent material belongings. i am constanly reminded of the love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and hope to remind others of His love for them at every opportunity. I love my family and pray that I may give them teh father they need to become extrememly valuable contributors to society.

Amen.

3

2.

New Beginings

I'm thinkin' the winds of change are truly blowing in my direction these days. About two weeks ago, April i got together and determined that our relationship was more important than money and that she would quit her job to stay home with us where she belongs. Her face lit up at the prospect of coming back home. That being said, we also decided it was time for us to move out of our current house (which we are paying way to much for rent) and find something more affordable to help us make ends meet. We have been unable to find a place thats big enough and in a safe neighborhood. We were becoming destraught do to the fact that we couldnt find anything resonable. We were desperate and praying for some kind of divine intervention. About two weeks into our rapid build-up of anxiety, we got a break. I received a call back for a job that I applied for in Colorado. The company is called DigitalGlobe and they are the bigest commercial satelite imagery provider in the world. I applied for a Technical sales Executive position.

It is by far the coolest job on the planet. I get to go to tradeshows and demonstrate their product for up to 12000 people at a time. No, thats not overwhelming. Why do you ask? So I have interviewed with the recruiter and the first sales executive. Now I have to interview in Colorado. hopefully this week some time. I pray that all goes well and we can get out of this money whole of a state that is Virginia. I only wish I could take the fireflies with us. Oh well.

--joe

Am I Truly There For Them

So April went to visit some of her girlfriends in sunny Georgia this weekend and gave me the wonderful opportunity of staying with the children for the weekend. As sarcastic as that my sound, let me reassure you that it is as sincere as the intentions of the rain on a hot July day. My kids and I have grown quite close over the last few months and I am eternally grateful for that. I feel like they teach me something new on a daily basis.

While April is away, the older two children and I are camping out in the living room each evening, watching movies until the wee hours of the morning and sleeping in as long as baby Ryan will allow us. Well, this evening, while we were watching an Indiana Jones movie, Emma informed me that she couldn't keep her eyes open and that she was ready to go to sleep. I think o spent the next 5 minutes or so watching her fight to keep her eyes open. I thought Id help the process along by rubbing her temples and playing with her hair. Once I got that goin', there was no way those eyes could stay open. In her final moments of coherency, she opened her eyes one last time, and said, "Dad, when I get older, will you baptize me?" What a random thing to say on your way into sleepy time. I of course told her I would and she was out...

My children mean the world to me. As they grow, I find myself feeling more and more inadequate for the job of Father. I find myself second guessing my choice of words or the things I require from them on a daily basis. My father once told me, that he as I was learning to be a good son, he was simultaneously learning how to be a good father. That's stuck with me. I think Ive said it to Joe Joe a couple times already and he's only seven. I want to be the best dad I can be. I want my children to look back on their childhood and remember nothing but good times. I want to remain connected to them as they grow through their teenage years. I want to protect them from any and all harm that may possibly befall them. They seem like they are pretty happy. Although, at the same time, it seems like they are always seeing what they didn't get to do rather than what the just got to do. I hope that makes sense. We could be walking out of Chuck E Cheese's, after just spending an hour or so, and there are times when all they do is complain about something. That's frustration to say the least. I sure do love them.

Am I overindulging them? I wonder. Are we spending to much time focusing on fun and not enough on "what's important"? I guess time will tell. I know they are kids but I just cant seem to knock the sense of entitlement out of them. Is this something that We've instilled? That can't be the only answer. So whats the answer to my dilemma? Is there an answer? Well, if spoiling the kids is wrong, I'm guilty. I love seeing their faces light up.

So as I sit here at 3:47 am, trying to fall asleep, I watch my children peacefully sleeping the night away. My heart is full of gratitude for the gifts that are my children. I pray that their lives my be filled with experiences and people that will build strong moral character. I pray that my wife and I can rear our children in the gospel and not place to much focus on worldly needs. This is my prayer...

Joe

Feeble Attempt at Immortalizing My Feelings 4 Her

My Little Princess

There was once a time in my life when I thought all I needed was a son or two and I'd be content as can be. I could have never imagined the joy that comes with having a daughter. I love my sons. They are fun to be around and wrestle with. I do love my boys so....but little Emma....She has already got me absolutely wrapped.

It takes all that I have to resist her incredible powers of persuasion. She gets whatever the heck she wants and I dont know how she does it. On second thought, I know exactly how she does it. She does it with her perfect little smile. She does it with her "puppy dog eyes". Although, I wouldn't have it any other way. Its so funny to me....It comes time to correct her for something she did, and before I know it, I'm askin' her if she'd like some ice cream and apologizing for something that I'm supposed to do as a dad. How entertaining she is. She is 100% disappointed if I don't rouse her from her sleep to tell her "good morning" as I leave for work each morning. TO think that she would rather be awakened than remain asleep, just to say, "I love you" is a true heart melting thought.

I can remember like it was yesterday, peering through the incubator at the hospital for the first two weeks of her life, not being able to hold her or feed her ourselves. It was truly hell on earth. All we wanted to do was hold our little girl. She has come along way since then. nowadays, I cant get enough of my little Emmy. She accompanies me on my various errands, plays video games with us and loves to hang out with her mamma. She loves helping her mommy around the house whether cooking or straightening up. I could have never asked for a better, more beautiful little girl.

I thank the Lord on a daily basis for the love of my daughter. So many fathers are disconnected from their daughters. I feel really lucky to have found a way to stay close to Emma for now. I know her teenage years will yield some problems, but they are issues I consider trivial when compared to all the good times we've had and will have. I pray that I will be able to be a good example of what a good husband should be. I pray that I can instill the self-confidence, paramount in the maintaining of ones personal chastity. I love my little girl and cant wait to see what type of adult she becomes. She truly is my flawless princess. I sure do love her.

Joe

So Maybe He Does Know a Thing or Two

Alright, so one of the main things I have been focusing on throughout this blog is the fact that April has been working nights. It has been a pretty jagged pill to swallow and we have been tough on each other lately. Throughout all of this, our children wait patiently, for us to get over whatever argument we have decided to selfishly get into. They are truly a blessing in our lives. Sometimes, it is hard to stay focused on that. It is very easy to allow yourself to become impatient with the ones that did nothing wrong in the first place. Case and point. I was on the phone with my father the other day, talking about life in general and just kinda "catching up". As we were conversing, my children were having a grand old time, running through the house, acting the way children should. Well, being that I'd had a long day, and was somewhat irritated in general, I found myself being short tempered with them. I repeatedly snapped at them to be quiet or to go play in the other room (all while my father patiently stood by, waiting to continue the conversation). After about 30 minutes of this, my dad chimed in with a small piece of advice...."Joseph, just hug your children."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. See, my dad wasn't always the most 'patient' individual. There were even times when I may have been extremely critical of his "dadding" skills. Boy, when he said that, it was as if something clicked in me. It was the first time in a long time that I truly heard what he was trying to convey. He continued by reminding me to allow them to truly be their age and enjoy their childhood. I am grateful for my father's council and feel that it was truly inspired. It's weird how every once in a great while, you actually "hear" what someone is trying to get across to you. That mind's eye isn't always open fully for me. Luckily, this time it was.

...What a difference the last few days have been. I find myself becoming emotional while I work at my desk during the day, as I ponder the gravity of my father's statement....Just hug your children. It's as if I literally see my children differently. I have found more patience for their antics and allow them more freedom to be silly. I don't require them to be SO regimented. I was reminded of the importance of fun in my kids lives.

I am truly grateful to have a father who is living his life correctly. He has changed quite a bit over the past 10 years. For the longest time, I was indifferent about his presence in my life...Now, I find myself looking forward to talks with him about whatever. I especially look forward to watching him interact with my children.

Hug your children, no matter their age or disposition. It is truly amazing the changes that take place when you hug them instead of scold them. I pray that I can find an added measure of patience with my family members each day. I am truly grateful for them and owe everything I am...all that I have become today......Its all because of my family's influence on my life. I am eternally indebted to them.


joe

Plaster of Paris in the Rain

While April was away at work this evening, oddly as was, I actually wanted to clean up the house for her as a surprise. She is constantly doing things for me and the children without ever asking for recognition or reciprocation. So, I figured this was the time to do just that. So I took care of some key things that plague her on a daily basis so tomorrow will be that much easier for her. Maybe, just maybe, she will find time to sit back and take a breath....maybe even time to reflect upon the things she is most grateful for.

Anyways, This last weekend was nice and relaxed. We spent most of the time as a family in the house enjoying the inclimate weather. The thunderstorm was absolutely magnificent. We let the kids run out in the rain, which was coming down so hard that you were soaked the instant you stepped into it. After the rain dance, the kids came inside, dried off and spent the next hour or so painting these little figurines brilliant colors. We are spending a lot more time together now and it has been such a blessing. We grow closer each day.

Every day that April works is a day that I DON'T get to spend with her. It is very frustrating. I don't watch TV anymore because all the stuff I usually laugh at has lost it's comical impression upon me due to her absence. Id rather not watch it. So, as I've said all along, I look forward to the time when she comes home for good. I never thought Id miss the "we are around each other so much that we are getting sick of each other" arguments. I sure do love my angel. I pray that the Lord remains with her thus making her burdens light and her countenance bright.

Joe

She is My Rock

Aside from God & country, there are very few things which I hold in high esteem. Namely, my wife and Children.

I have spent almost a quarter of my life with my wonderful wife, who just so happens to be my best friend. It is because of her loving hand of "motivation" that I am successful. I can't remember a single pivotal moment throughout the last eight years that didn't turn out absolutely positive because of her direct influence. For that, I am extremely grateful. I was sitting at work yesterday trying to imagine where I'd be had I not met April. I had a hard time even remembering what it was like to be single, let alone try to imagine where I would be now! The great majority of the good memories that occupy my brain are of her.

I am grateful for April's love for our children. She has reared our children in the gospel and ensured that they begin their personal relationships with the Lord at an early age. It is because of her that my oldest son reminds me that it's "scripture time" on a nightly basis. It is because of her that my children vie for the opportunity to offer our nightly family prayer. Just the other day (Sunday), some of Joe Joe's friends showed up asking him to go out and play outside. Without even skipping a beat, Joe informed them that Sunday was family day and that he was unable to play outside. As he closed the door, without even one iota of frustration or disappointment, I realized that our decision to have April stay home for the last eight years had truly paid off.

April has always been a perfect example of unconditional friendship towards her girlfriends. She is always the one they call when they need advise or just a compassionate shoulder to cry on. I have always admired her ability to make others happy without a thought for herself. She is the result of diligent gospel study and perseverance through the hard times of life. She's been dealt some hard hands in the past and yet consistently & gracefully, triumphs and ends up teaching me something in the process.

In closing, I really do feel that April is one of the main reasons for my contentment with my life. I am eternally indebted to her and, luckily, I have an eternity to repay her. I love you April.

Joe

Memorial Day Tribute

I was speaking to my little brother Justin this evening about our country and the fact that we are a stalwart union comprised of the most god fearing patriots who would not hesitate to stand for truth and right with rifle in hand against even the most insurmountable of foes. that being said, I realized that I'd neglected to focus on those whose sacrifices I am truly grateful for. So, as I attempt to transfer the depth of my appreciation for them into this entry, I am truly filled with emotion.


As you know, I spent ten wonderful years serving my country as a member of the United States Air Force. I am extremely proud of my American heritage and submit that there is no other country on this earth as special and chosen as ours. ALL others are unworthy to even utter our country's name, let alone feebly attempt to compare themselves with our citizens and the love they possess for America. Land of the free. I know it's been said many times....but maybe I just never gave it much thought....Our country was built upon precepts of love, freedom. we retain these rights (that we so often take for granted) by Divine providence and the sacrifices made by the men & women of the US military throughout the ages. I am grateful. I am grateful for the troops who roger up for the mission they know will only yield a safe return to a different home from whence they came. I can only imagine the heavenly reception provided for those who give their lives to protect the rights of our country. I truly believe this land was set aside for God fearing people willing to fight for the right. I don't envy the commander who has to instill courage, strength and unwavering commitment in the parent who will soon be standing on the front line. I will remain a patriot to honor the soldier who sacrifices his own life to save those of his comrades.

I will always stand when our national anthem is played to honor the cogs in the wheel of our finely tuned military machine who are all to often replaced and forgotten.

I know that there are times when wars are waged for the wrong reasons. I also know that there will ALWAYS be men and women in my beloved country ever willing to fight a morally clean fight...to accomplish the mission in a sound manner...To leave the women and children alone when they have nothing to do with the conflict at hand. I have seen the lines blurred during in the heat of battle. I know that it is easy to get caught up in the moment...to feel the temptation, that lies just under the surface, to abuse the power afforded you. Thankfully, we are a pure corps force. With very few exceptions, we will always make the right decision. God bless America. I pray that our enlisted forces at present feel our appreciation for them. I pray they will find strength & focus in the memories of the freedoms they enjoyed during their childhood and master the fears that so easily beset them in the moment. May their actions while enlisted in the service of this blessed country mirror the will of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

I will always remember them...

Joe

Damn Obnoxious!

This weekend (memorial day weekend) has been great for us. We spent three fun filled days...together. Nobody had to work. We didn't have any crappy appointments to take up our time. Joe Joe had a baseball game on Saturday. He is great at everything he does. Sunday evening, we had the opportunity to take in a fireworks display down the road from our home. it was Ryan's first and boy was that entertaining. At first, he was absolutely petrified. He ran into my arms, turned around and spent the last 25 minutes of the show screaming and clapping his hands with excitement. So that was wonderful to see. It's funny to me, that I take more pleasure now, watching my kids partake in my favorite activities that I do, participating in them myself. Boy, how the focus does shift.

This evening, April headed off to her evening job while the kids and I cleaned the shizzle out of the house. Top to bottom, this house was cleaned. They gracefully endured about three hours of my barking orders at them before they went into meltdown mode. That was the point where I decided to take them to the park and play some kickball. I derived such great joy in watching my two oldest ones running around in the sun without a care in the world, untouched by the world as of yet. Let me make note, by the way, I had an extremely hard time trying to explain to little 5 year old Emma why she had to leave her shirt on in the sweltering heat while Joe and I took ours off. So, before you know it, we were three half-naked ball kicking maniacs running around, enjoying the sun. Ryan played with the ball for about two seconds before wondering obliviously around the soccer field from garbage can to garbage can baning them with a stick. He is a perfect indicator of when we have been out in the sun long enough. I glance over at him once in a while. When his little cheeks turn rosie red, I know it's time to get them home into the air conditioning once again.

This evening was funny. After we got Ryan to bed, the older two kids and I went outside to enjoy the cool breeze, absent of the sweltering sun. Oddly enough, it was still as humid as at mid-day....DAMN IT! Anyways, I spoke to my mom on the phone while the children took turns falling off their scooters in the street, as if they were seriously trying to see who could remove more skin from their knees in a single fall. They'd gotten to the point where they were screaming and hootin' and hollerin'. I asked Joe to come over to me for a moment to tell him to, "stop being so damn obnoxious & settle down". Make note that the street is filled with people enjoying the evening as we were. So what does Joe Joe do? The little butt hole jumps on his scooter and rides down the driveway. All while screaming down the street to his little sister, "EMMA, DAD SAID WE HAVE TO STOP BEING DAMN OBNOXIOUS AND CALM DOWN A LITTLE!" I was absolutely mortified. There was nothing I could do but laugh aloud as I received the warm, inviting, excepting look of disapproval from every neighbor within earshot. Wow! The perils of being a father. It just simply doesn't get any better than that. Although, I cant imagine where I'd be if I didn't have them to embarrass me on a daily basis. Anyways.

Joe

I'll Trade Ya!

So as you know, we live in Virginia now where the cost of living is quite high. That, coupled with a bit of debt has put us in somewhat of a predicament. That being said, April has graciously ventured outside the home after eight years of safety and acquired a job at the local grocery store as the "wine & cheese girl"(how ironic). I get home from work each day with about 15 minutes to spend with her before she heads off to work for an eight hour shift. Well, this has given me the opportunity to be a single dad four nights a week.

I could have never imagined how hard it was to deal with three children alone, with no adult interaction for half the day. On top of that, there is the whole "providing a stable environment" thing which I think is overrated. They can fend for themselves..I mean, I gotta have my video game time (ha ha). All sarcasm aside, The children have truly helped me realize what being a parent is really about. Furthermore, as April works, I learn how valuable she is to me. The warmth present in our home is reduced to a whats feels like a small glimmer when she isn't there. I find myself not watching TV because she isn't there to laugh with. I spend quite a bit of time listen to music in the hopes that a song reproduces the feelings I have when she is around. I spend as much time outside with the kids as I can in an attempt to keep my mind off the haunting idea that I am not providing as I should. As if that's not a bad enough thought, there's always the ever popular, "Why don't you get a second job so April can stay home?". The only problem with that would be the lack of time with the children. For me there would be none. I'd see them two days a week. So we go on walks and bike rides. We sit in the front yard and yell at baby Ryan for eating grass and slapping Emmy. We take the baseball gear down to the field and practice our "skillz". And my favorite, we see who can make Ryan stop crying first....great fun. Yeah, well, I'll trade ya! Trade ya for my wife back. Trade ya for going to bed together. Trade ya for some friggin' intimacy. Trade ya for a good old, healthy evening argument about something absolutely trivial. Trade ya for dinner that doesn't involve the thought process, "what can I heat up, that I can reheat for dinner the following few nights". Trad ya for nightly prayers that include April....next to me.

So, as you can imagine, weekends have become so valuable these days. We no longer sit around wishing there was something to do. now, we have so many things to catch up on together that idle time is something of the pas t. Between the kids sporting events and family home evenings of Saturday night, time has become a valuable commodity.

Although, I am extremely grateful for my family and the time we spend together as a whole. Relatively speaking, I am very lucky. I have the truth that is the gospel of Jesus Christ. Knowing that all of this is for a reason is what drives me to do things...the right way. And that......I WOULDN'T TRADE FOR ANYTHING.

My Very Own Fountain of Youth

Joe is my oldest son. We named him after me who was named after my father. So he is the third. He is seven years old going on 17. It is seriously hard to keep up with him at times. It seems like only yesterday that April & I brought him home from the hospital. We had no idea what to expect and yet, everything seemed to just...fall into place. by the time he was nine months, he was already climbing out of his crib and scaring us to death. We thought he'd end up hurtin' himself for sure. We watched as if we had no control over his lightning fast progression through his toddler years.
One of my favorite memories of Joe (one that made me exceptionally proud) was watching him stand on my skateboard for the first time. He was so excited and seemed like such a natural. By the time he was in first grade, we would skateboard to school in the mornings on my days off and I would be waiting outside his classroom at the end of the day with skateboards in had, just chompin at the bit to see my kid pushin down the street on his first skateboard. Nowadays, he doesn't pay much attention to his skateboard. He'd rather be riding his Razor scooter around the culdesac with his buddies...which is fine with me I guess. It's just that whenever I am skating with my son, I felt like a teenager all over again. It's as if spending time with my kids keeps me young. We share an absolute obsession for video games and vegging out on couch together. I do look forward to the weekends when the two of us stay up playing games into the wee hours of the night.
So he is seven. I cant believe how intelligent he is already. He has a love for reading, that I never had as a child, and is very good at it. He literally reads a book EVERY evening before bed. I think what brings me the most joy though is the love Joe Joe has for the gospel. Each evening as we settle in, I can always count on him to suggest an evening scripture study. Furthermore, as we talk about what we are reading, he has a basic understanding of the precepts contained therein. I feel as though Joe Joe will be something farely important some day. That being said, I pray that I will be able to keep him going in the right direction until that day when he takes up whatever calling the Lord sees fit for him.

How firm a foundation

For the last eight years, I have had front row seats at the changing of my life, in which, my existence has progressively shifted from a "me" centered life to a life in which I am forever in the service of my family.
My children, in particular, are by far the most important thing in my life. They have been the reason for personal refinement (refinement being a relative term). My children have helped me regain focus on the gospel and it's precepts. Recently, I read a Book of Mormon passage within the the book of Jacob that left a pretty strong impression on my heart. The verse spoke of the importance of rearing our children in truth and instilling in them the foundational doctrine that will help form their little testimonies in their early years. One can imagine the shear panic that set in as I started over analyzing the efforts April and I had been making towards enlightening the kids.
Before April started working a night job, we were having family home evening on a weekly basis. My wife is a great example to me. She was very vigilant in her efforts. We pray with the kids every night. ya know, all the little things that we are told are so easy to do, yet so hard to maintain. We do those things. Since April started working, I feel like I may have been dropping the ball so to speak. Up until a few days ago, I couldn't shake this feeling of "What else could I be doing for them?" So I increased my scripture study and prayed an added measure of desire and drive in this area. Some divine inspiration wouldn't hurt either. As the night wound down this evening, Joe Joe asked if we could read some scriptures before they hit the hay. That was one of those moments where you just stare and marvel at the blessings who are your children. He actually seemed excited. Upon opening the scriptures, I just so happened to turn directly to the Articles of Faith page located at the end of the Pearl of Great Price. At that exact moment, it hit me right between the eyes....I resigned to memorize the articles of faith with the children. It is something I never did as a child and saw it as an awesome opportunity to grow closer to my children while guided them to the Lord's presence. Perfect. And so it begins. The children and I memorized the first article of faith and Joe Joe & I have the second one memorized. I gotta tell ya, As I got the children ready for bed, I felt a closeness to them that was absolutely indescribable.
I am so proud of the little people that my kids have become. They are sincere and quick witted. They are loving and understanding. Most of all, they are so very unconditional with their love for their parents.
I thank the Lord on a daily basis for my wife and kids and pray that they will remain this close throughout our lives together here on earth and into the eternities. I strive towards effectively relaying my love to them daily. I hope I am successful in that.

-----Joe-----